It seems like every day I am composing a blog post in my head, but when I finally get the chance to sit down and type it up...I'm too tired.
My life is pretty stressful right now. Some people would laugh at that. I mean, I'm pretty lucky that my husband has a good job, and that I get to be at home with my kids, and I love teaching the 4 year olds at church. But the thing is...I have four kids....at home....all day with me. I have no backyard, and with the rain, the park has become impossible. Well, let's be honest---it doesn't have to rain for the park to be impossible. Just taking 4 kids to the park is stressful enough!!!!
Two years ago my husband and I made the decision to homeschool our kids. It was a big leap for us. I was not homeschooled, nor was my husband, so the last 2 years has been a great learning experience for us. The first year I really enjoyed it. It was difficult (I was pregnant for half of the year and had a newborn for the other half), but I found there were lots of things that I loved about it. For example, I loved teaching new concepts to Miss L and watching it "click." I loved re-learning history and science. I loved discovering all of the wonderful teaching resources that are available to families. I loved the flexibility. I loved it.
Then life just sort of went crazy for me. Miss A turned 5 and so I began homeschooling her as well. Teaching 2 kids with 2 different lessons in most subjects became extremely time consuming. And Miss R and Baby C (can I still call her that even though she is 17 months old now?) became completely neglected. For the past year I have spent most nights completely exhausted and feeling like a failure. Afterall, my little ones who need me the most are getting me the least.
And now I feel like homeschooling is sucking the life out of me. Haha. Seriously, though...I do. I used to run out the door as soon as G would come home from work so I could run my errands and have some alone time. But now I am so exhausted by that time, I send him out to do the errands while I do mind-numbing activities (like watch movies). I dread Monday mornings. And I LOVE Fridays (we only do school 4 days/week). And I am counting down the days until summer vacation.
But not only am I going nuts with homeschooling...my kids are as well. They have TOO MUCH time together in my opinion. They have lots of friends and have regular play dates, multiple days a week, but they still have a lot of down time which always leads to one thing...FIGHTING! I cannot stand the fighting!!! I know it sounds terrible, but when my older kids are gone, my house is so peaceful and innocent. I can play blocks with the little ones and I talk so sweetly to them. But then the older girls come home, start fighting about something, and I lose it. I suddenly have four kids bickering and begging for my attention, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I love babies. I mean...I LOVE babies. And I LOVE toddlers. They are so much fun. And I love preschoolers. But I'm learning that I'm not so in love with school aged children. Once my kids turned 5 yrs old, my role as a mother completely changed. I am now the referee battling very strong willed children who want to have things their way. The sassiness, the hitting & pushing, the rudeness....I just wasn't prepared for all of this. I don't mean to make my kids sound like terrors. They are REALLY GREAT kids! They are normal kids. It's just when you have normal sibling rivalry with four kids so close in age, it becomes a little nightmarish. I seriously don't know how other moms do it.
I'm sorry for sounding so negative. With each addition to our family, life becomes more and more complicated, and I'm just trying to figure it all out. I cannot wait for August, when I put my older girls in school. I'm trying to imagine what life will be like with just 2 kids again, FOR SIX HOURS a day. Sounds like heaven! :D And then, after enjoying their absence, I'll be happy to see them at 3:00.
Afterall, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? :D
