My life is pretty stressful right now. Some people would laugh at that. I mean, I'm pretty lucky that my husband has a good job, and that I get to be at home with my kids, and I love teaching the 4 year olds at church. But the thing is...I have four kids....at home....all day with me. I have no backyard, and with the rain, the park has become impossible. Well, let's be honest---it doesn't have to rain for the park to be impossible. Just taking 4 kids to the park is stressful enough!!!!
Two years ago my husband and I made the decision to homeschool our kids. It was a big leap for us. I was not homeschooled, nor was my husband, so the last 2 years has been a great learning experience for us. The first year I really enjoyed it. It was difficult (I was pregnant for half of the year and had a newborn for the other half), but I found there were lots of things that I loved about it. For example, I loved teaching new concepts to Miss L and watching it "click." I loved re-learning history and science. I loved discovering all of the wonderful teaching resources that are available to families. I loved the flexibility. I loved it.
Then life just sort of went crazy for me. Miss A turned 5 and so I began homeschooling her as well. Teaching 2 kids with 2 different lessons in most subjects became extremely time consuming. And Miss R and Baby C (can I still call her that even though she is 17 months old now?) became completely neglected. For the past year I have spent most nights completely exhausted and feeling like a failure. Afterall, my little ones who need me the most are getting me the least.
And now I feel like homeschooling is sucking the life out of me. Haha. Seriously, though...I do. I used to run out the door as soon as G would come home from work so I could run my errands and have some alone time. But now I am so exhausted by that time, I send him out to do the errands while I do mind-numbing activities (like watch movies). I dread Monday mornings. And I LOVE Fridays (we only do school 4 days/week). And I am counting down the days until summer vacation.
But not only am I going nuts with homeschooling...my kids are as well. They have TOO MUCH time together in my opinion. They have lots of friends and have regular play dates, multiple days a week, but they still have a lot of down time which always leads to one thing...FIGHTING! I cannot stand the fighting!!! I know it sounds terrible, but when my older kids are gone, my house is so peaceful and innocent. I can play blocks with the little ones and I talk so sweetly to them. But then the older girls come home, start fighting about something, and I lose it. I suddenly have four kids bickering and begging for my attention, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I love babies. I mean...I LOVE babies. And I LOVE toddlers. They are so much fun. And I love preschoolers. But I'm learning that I'm not so in love with school aged children. Once my kids turned 5 yrs old, my role as a mother completely changed. I am now the referee battling very strong willed children who want to have things their way. The sassiness, the hitting & pushing, the rudeness....I just wasn't prepared for all of this. I don't mean to make my kids sound like terrors. They are REALLY GREAT kids! They are normal kids. It's just when you have normal sibling rivalry with four kids so close in age, it becomes a little nightmarish. I seriously don't know how other moms do it.
I'm sorry for sounding so negative. With each addition to our family, life becomes more and more complicated, and I'm just trying to figure it all out. I cannot wait for August, when I put my older girls in school. I'm trying to imagine what life will be like with just 2 kids again, FOR SIX HOURS a day. Sounds like heaven! :D And then, after enjoying their absence, I'll be happy to see them at 3:00.
Afterall, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? :D
6 comments:
It is good to hear this perspective - with school age approaching with Olivia, we've been thinking about what to do with her. There are, as you said, a lot of benefits to homeschooling. But yes, I think giving kids independence from their mommy and siblings (and vice versa) for a few hours a day is a major plus for out-of-home schooling. I'll be curious to hear how it goes.
I have often wondered how you do it!! Just for the record, I think you are an amazing mom and a great example to me. I'm glad that you will soon get the break you need. I am also trying to figure out this parenting-of-school-age-kids thing. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone!
Hang in there Aimus! You're doing great and don't forget, we do have THE hardest job there is! And believe it or not--some day we are going to look back and MISS these days!! Ha!
Amy, I've long been impressed with your home schooling efforts. Just the fact that you were willing to take on that huge responsibility in the first place is admirable!
We have a lot of fighting here at our house too, and it drives me crazy. That said, I know I'll miss Derek when he's gone all day next year. I wish there was a "go to school for half the day and get home-schooled for the other half" option. :)
Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I wish we lived closer and we could swap and let our older kids play together so our sweet little ones could enjoy the peace that comes only when the older ones aren't bickering!
I think our needs and the needs of our kids continually evolve. You have great wisdom to let your decisions evolve, as well to meet those changing needs.
As for your friend Julie who wishes for the 1/2 day of each, we've known people who have successfully done that.
Amy -- it is so hard being a parent, especially a mom. I personally couldn't have done what you have done already and still be sane. My kids do a lot of fighting as well and it drives me absolutely bonkers! We have 3 different levels in our house and sometimes I send them all to a different place. It's exhausting day in & day out. I thought I was a well organized, patient and easy going person until I got married & had kids. It's just nice to know that you are not alone & the only one feeling like pulling your hair out at times. Good luck with your move & it will be interesting to hear how sending the 2 oldest to school will be for you. :0) Love ya tons!!!
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