The consequences I've given have varied greatly. Here are some we've tried:
1. time out in the corner
2. time out in their room
3. spankings
4. hot sauce in their mouth
5. chores (cleaning the living room, etc)
6. taking away toys
The problem is that I'm a softy--at times. I mean, you have to pick your battles. Otherwise I would be reprimanding ALL DAY LONG! Plus punishing your kids often means you are punishing yourself because if you take away something they like, you have taken away their entertainment. That means you have to not only listen to the whining, but find something else to entertain them. I swear it's more agonizing for me than for them.
Don't get me wrong. I have good kids. They are just your typical kids. They get sassy at times. They whine. They even hit and push each other. They're just kids. Is it really possible to get rid of this behavior, or is this just part of growing up? I feel like a broken record. I mean, how many times will I have to say, "Don't jump on the couch" before they finally GET IT????
So what have you found as an effective means of punishment? Because so far, I pretty much stink at this part of parenting.
5 comments:
I am NO EXPERT on parenting!!! But I think only you can figure out what works for each of your girls. Paige tests me all day everyday and I know when I need to react and when to ignore it, for the most part. I don't think any parent never questions themselves. The most important thing for me is that no matter how I punish Paige, that at the end of the day she feels loved and wanted. Some days that is a challenge all by itself. Good luck. You are an amazing and patient mom and I know you will figure it all out.
I've been feeling this same way lately!
Your comments reminded me of a book I have called Little People that I should re-read. (You may be able to find it at your library). It gives good, practical tips about how to make time-outs effective, etc. It emphasizes the importance of catching kids being good, which is hard to remember, sometimes. It's so easy to focus on what you don't want them to do!
My favorite example of this is when you're on the phone, you never stop your conversation to compliment your kids for being good, but you always do when they're bothering you. It pretty much comes down to the fact that we need to give attention for good behavior because usually that's what kids want from us is our attention.
Your fam's also dealing with the adjustment of a new baby. I'm sure this is having a big impact on everyone trying to re-establish their roles.
Hang in there. Keep up the great work!
I could have written this post. I have the same struggles with finding appropriate consequences. Especially when we're out someplace. How do you punish them? If they're running away from me or something, I usually make them come hold on the stroller/cart but for just general craziness or disobedience, I never know what to do. I end up saying "You're going straight to naptime/quiet time when we get home." But then of course we have to eat lunch or whatever and it takes an hour for the consequence to be enforced. Not so effective. Anyway, I think you must be doing a great job since your kids are awesome! :)
I'm right there with you Amy. Parenting is so hard! And you do feel like broken record having to say the same things over and over and over again. We have basically the same discipline / punishment things going on as you mentioned and it's a daily struggle with us too.
We have found a point system to be really effective and it took the emotion out of the discipline stuff a lot for us -- but it takes a lot of time and effort to keep up. Basically our kids earned points for what they did (chores, good behavior, etc) and then had to use those points for everything they did in their free time (TV time, Wii, playing with friends, extra treats, special unplanned outings and even could trade some of them for money & save some of them up for something they really wanted). Our kids are big into rewards and it works good for them.
Wow, lots of good comments! I like what Christie said about positive reinforcement, I think that is a good basis to have. But when the going gets tough, emotion needs to stay out of it, which can be hard when the kids are really pushing your buttons. But I've found that the quicker I either remind the kids about time-out or say nicely, "Why don't you go have a time-out" then the situation dispels much quicker and I also take care of things before I get upset. And to emphasize the reminders, we like to give warnings so that they know the upcoming consequences if they choose to disobey again. Also, be willing to apologize when you make a mistake so they more readily make amends when they behave poorly. And one last thing (I know I've written a lot!) but kids generally seem to act up for their parents but use their good behavior they've been taught with teachers, friends, etc. So I bet you're doing better than you think! Good luck, Amy!
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